"bipolar" oh yes. i'm going there.

2006:
anxious
spiraling out of control
sexual promiscuity
desperate for a the favor of a certain man
giving all of myself/no boundaries
afraid
missing work
grasping at things/people/actions rather then turning to the Lord
did not trust the Lord
far from the Lord
suicidal


few months later:
i have tendencies typical of biploar disorder. so say doctors.
how is that not excusing my behavior?!

took meds for it for almost 2 years.

watch The Marketing of Madness

[excerpt] Psychiatric disorders are not medical diseases. There are no lab tests, brain scans, X-rays or chemical imbalance tests that can verify any mental disorder is a physical condition. This is not to say that people do not get depressed, or that people can’t experience emotional or mental duress, but psychiatry has repackaged these emotions and behaviors as “disease” in order to sell drugs. This is a brilliant marketing campaign, but it is not science.

i have long since questioned this!

stopped taking meds in 2009 when they required i take birth control along with them.

what is the root issue of each of the things i listed that segued into my dramatic, selfish sucicide attempt?
SIN
living apart from our Lord {John 15}

so the 'mania' and 'crash/low/depressive' cycles associated with "bipolar" --
what could they be indicative of?
a sin issue?
lack of self control/discipline?
being ruled by emotions?
mistrust towards our Lord and Savior?
Pride?

I struggle with anger. With the sin of anger. My 'outbursts' are not going to be 'cured' with a pill.
I need more Him and less me a la John 3:30.

I have come to see that my 'highs' and lows that were excused as 'bipolar', were the result of sin in my life. Present day; do we not all have highs and lows? did they not speak of it in the bible? it's there. we have feelings. we have very real hormones (and a responsibility there in ladies. don't hesitate to ask me for more info) that affect us.
 That is not sickness.
That is something you work with.
Feelings are not (to be) my source
and my Source of joy NEVER changes!
HE is my stability!

so I challenge this common, faulty thinking.
I offer myself to you and any questions you have.